FIGHT

It has been a while...to say the least, I have been so super busy working a couple of jobs at the same time :0) But here is the latest....

I am so excited to say that I am maintaining my weight loss...there are days where I think, "Oh dear, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and be 270lbs again!" My trainer, Rob Hatch, said to me this past week, "You still don't trust your body do you?" I had to truthfully answer him with , "NO!" I don't....that started me thinking....will I ever fully trust myself to not let myself go again...will I ever trust myself to NOT eat my way through my emotional highs and lows....do you ever get to the place where you can say, "ok, I KNOW I will never be that way again..."

I wish I knew the answer....but honestly, I wake up EVERY DAY scared to death that I will be that 270lb wallflower again...the mom who was tired all the time...the woman who was always paranoid that people were laughing at her...the woman who wished she could wear cute clothes, but settled for Lane Bryant instead...I'm not knocking any of these things BUT it is NOT what I want for my life...so, I am committed....I will FIGHT for the rest of my life...I will FIGHT the urge to use food as medication for my pain....I will FIGHT my will that tells me to give up on that last mile of a 5 mile run...I will FIGHT the urge to feel like I am not worth all the energy it takes to stay healthy....WHY all the determination?????

Three reasons...the JOY of helping others....the LOVE for my kids.....the PLEASURE of feeling good!!!